"Life's about a hell of a lot more than being happy. It's about feeling the full range of stuff: happiness, sadness, anger, grief, love, hate. If you try and shut one of those off, you shut them all off. I don't want to be happy. I know I won't live happily ever after. I want more than that, something richer. I want to get right up close to the beauty and the ugliness. I want to see it all. The richness and poverty, the sweetness and the sadness. That's the best way I can honor my friends who died. That's the best way I can honor my parents, who brought me into this world. That's the best way I can lead a life that I can be proud to call my own. I want to experience everything it has to offer: LIFE."

- Ellie Linton, The Other Side Of Dawn (John Marsden)

i actually am.

isn't that nice?

"just another soldier, on the road to nowhere"

i can feel the tears sitting on my neck.
they're cold...kind of refreshing on such a warm night.
i don't like the fact that i'm crying.

it makes me feel dehydrated.

it makes my face wet.

it makes me feel stupid.

both sides of my pillow are wet so i have to lie on my back, looking up at the ceiling.
my nose keeps running.

i'm crying over how sick you are.
i'm crying over that awkward conversation.
im crying over you.
i'm crying over that 'fight'.
i'm crying over how much i love you.
i'm crying from embarassment.
i'm crying a lot.

i don't know what exactly made me jump out of bed at 1am & write this down.
in my head it sounded so painfully beautiful, so poetic.
now, digitalised & black&white it feels fake.
nothing ever looks as good as it does in your imagination.
i need to sleep. i need to turn my pillow over & sleep.

this actually fucking sucks.
this actually fucking sucks.
this actually fucking sucks.
this actually fucking sucks.
this actually fucking sucks.
this actually fucking sucks.
this actually fucking sucks.
this actually fucking sucks.


so stop being weird, stop being confusing & stop changing your mind.

"i can't talk about felicity. it just makes me upset. you're not the same person you were two years ago."

my parents hate me.

they love me as a daughter

they hate me as a person.

fanfuckingtastic.

things i did today:

bought floral docs from america.

worked.

ate ice cream from the tub.

watched secret diary of a call girl.

realised it is my birthday tomorrow.

thought about what i want to wear tomorrow night.

listened to the same some song 3 times.

congratulated my best friend on finishing exams.

bought floral docs from america.

you just have too much pride don't you?

"may the best of your past be the worst of your future."

I also wouldn't mind having these shoes on my feet...

I. AM. OBSESSED.

I. AM. GETTING. FLORAL. DOCS. FOR. MY. BIRTHDAY.

NO. ONE. KNOWS. MY. LEVEL. OF. EXCITEMENT.

I love that feeling when you know you have some amazing weekends coming up.

I love that feeling when you find something amazing at an op shop.

I love that feeling when you're having a sleepover with your best friend in 2 days.

I love that feeling when you start getting excited for your birthday!