obsessed with taking selfies.

i am so pathetic about boys oh my god i am an actual joke.

i just have so any uncertain feelings and i wish i could just pinpoint what i want and what i should do about all this and no one needs to hear my bullshit right now and i don't even want to write it down and i feel like shit and i don't know what to do and i am so uncertain and fuck.

HELLO. THIS IS MY NEW RING. I BOUGHT IT TODAY AFTER I HAD LUNCH WITH MY VERY AWESOME AND BRILLIANT FRIEND GLENN. HE IS PROBS THE MOST TALENTED WRITER I KNOW AND YOU SHOULD DEFS CHECK OUT HIS BLOG. I AM TYPING IN CAPTIALS BECAUSE I HAVE HAD A LOVELY DAY AND I AM NOW PLANNING A SUPRISE FOR A LOVELY BOY BECAUSE IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY AND HE JUST FINISHED HIS THESIS. BASICALLY, I AM JUST IN LOVE WITH MY LIFE AT THE MOMENT AND FELT LIKE SHARING THIS WITH YOU ALL.

i tried very hard not to kiss you today. i hope you couldn't tell.

every time i talk to you i feel like i'm annoying you.

one day i want you to see yourself through my eyes.

see how much i admire you & worship you
marvel at you. how beautiful you are.
you amaze me.

i was so ready
it had pretty much left my mind
the thoughts had dissappeared
he was good distraction too

your belated good luck
his neil armstrong remark
i know you just miss the way i made you feel
how i made you feel about yourself

that's ok
that's what i am here for
i am here to love
that is my passion and purpose

half of me wants to be your friend
half of me wants to go back to it all
gosh, we were good.
so much of us was so so good

none of this is killing me yet
i'm controlling myself quite well
maybe i'm growing up
being realistic is becoming a strong suit of mine

if you didn't deserve it i wouldn't do it
how dare anyone make you feel less than what you are

i never know how to end these things
i suppose i feel like i could write on forever
and why shouldn't i?
barely anyone will read this
so i say that this is unfinished.
perhaps it will never be complete.
who knows.

my sister got me the maddest necklace from turkey.

love that kid. even if she never hangs up her towels.

i think it is my life calling to be a white female kanye west impersonator.

there is this girl in my life and people treat her badly.
and i literally cannot comprehend it.
she is one of the most amazing and loving and caring people i have ever met and yet people treat her like shit. wake the fuck up, realise how lucky you are to have her in your life for fuck's sake.

i am so fucking frustrated at myself right now.
once again hating on myself for lack of motivation.

sunglasses and advil.

last night was mad real.

sun coming up 5am.

i wonder if they got cabs still.

have not been that drunk in a while... scattered and tattered.

i don't know how i feel about all this

this i don't know how i feel about all

all this i don't know how i feel about.

things that i liked about today

amazing food

great company

WATCH THE THRONE on my ipod

sunshinesunshinesunshine

a lovely outfit

bubble o' bill

ahhhhh so content.

the hardest thing is that i can still feel you
i can still remember what you liked
where your skin felt the most smooth
how your lips felt like between mine

you were such a great kisser

such a great lover

great boyfriend

i could give you goosebumps
you could make me tremble

every day i feel you
every fucking day
and i know you don't feel me
or miss me
or want me

too good to be true
but it was true
for a while
and that while was beautiful
i do not regret it
but it wasn't enough

maybe i feel too much
speak too much
think too much
love too much

so much of me wants you to read this
because of that glimmer of hope
but you won't, i know you won't

i just miss you all the time.

the good outweighs the bad and the love outweighs the hate.

i know that it's going to take time but i really just want to feel better now.

one second i'm fine.

next second i cry.

next second the thought of anyone else makes me sick.

next second i hate everything.

next second I want you to just regret it all and call me.

next second i stalk all the boys i want to pash.

then i think up a million different sneaky plans to get you back.

but you've never changed your mind before. and i'm not special enough to an exception.

such a fucking cliche, the first heartbreak is the hardest.

i have so many things i want to ask you, so many things i want you to think about, so many things that i should have said when it happened. but my tears stole my courage and my voice.

i feel sicksaddesperateangryheartbrokenconfusedsadsadsadsadsad.

i wish i could hate you.

i'm so not ready for this.

i feel like crying i feel like i miss you i feel crazy i feel irrational i feel like there is no one to talk to i feel like talking to everyone i feel like talking to no one i feel like being hugged i feel like being left alone i feel like crying i feel like singing i feel like creating i feel like destroying i feel like crying i feel like kissing you i feel like an idiot i feel like shit. i feel like i need something.

so many things i want to say but no idea how to say them
so many things i want to do but no idea how to do them

so much poetry i want to write but no idea how to write it
i really enjoy poetry i have decided recently

i've been in my head too much
making up scenarios and things
going a little bit crazy
most of the time it's fine
it's good to be a little crazy isn't it?
until i think about that one particular thing
it shouldn't bother me so much
i know it shouldn't
but it does
and i pray that it will dissappear

you are so comfortable to lie in bed with.

seriously i could do it all day.

i don't know what this feeling is but i hope it pisses off as soon as possible because it's freaking me out and i can't figure out what it means. i can't figure out if it's physical or mental but i want it to stop because it's pissing me off and only decides to appear at random times and drives me slightly insane because i don't know what to do about it and how i can resolve it. and i know that i'll soon stop being crazy especially the moment i see your face i just need to not feel like this. seriously i don't know why i do because you have made me so happy so frequently. fucking hell i need an emotional translastor all up in here.

i love your sense of self - you know who are.

i wonder if you know how rare that is.

really need to buy the daria box set.

i want to see everyone i love and care about but i just don't have the time and my body won't keep up and i lose the hours in the day and i lose the days in the week and i want everyone to know that i care but i don't know how to and i worry that i'm not doing enough but then again there's not much i can do but try.

FREEEEEEDOM.

finished all my uni work!

went out last night for the boy's end of semester drinks.

i was so nervous...but it was crazy fun.

got to wear a dress i'm in love with, got drunk off free drinks & got to hang with people who were actually really cool. however, the dj didn't play kanye. furious.

anyway, moral of the story is, i had a fantastic first night of pure freedom.

I'M ON HOLIDAYS I CAN NOW SEE ALL THE PEOPLE I MISS AND HANG OUT WITH MY FAVE BOY WHENEVER I WANT.

but with the good things come the bad.

someone who i love so much, someone who has cared about since the moment i was born, might be taken away from quicker than i had ever anticipated. i'm terrified & worried. but there is nothing i can do. i'm trying to hope for the best...but it's difficult. thankfully i have someone that makes me feel better, even if it's only for a little bit...

things i must get done today...

reading reviews
literature review DONE
reading responses
journal entries
first draft of personal essay

Seeker Lover Keeper - Even Though I'm A Woman is keeping me sane through this day of hellish homework.

i'm in love.

i don't even know how to express how happy you make me dear boy.

LOOK HOW CUTE MY DOG IS AHHHHH!

sometimes i just really fucking dislike you.

in january before uni starts up again i want to go to thailand for 10 days.
i want to go with two of my closest & oldest friends.
i want to lie on the beach & buy cheap clothes & read 10 different books.
i want to relax & party & lie by the pool & create hilarious memories.

in the mid year holidays next year i want to go to america.
i want to go with some of my favourite people in the world.
i want to go to disneyland & times square & urban outfitters.
i want to visit hannah in california & emilio in new york.

whether or not this will all happen depends on money.
people.
dedication.
organisation.

iwanttomakethishappen.

never been so dressed up for work before...

but it's better to be overdressed than underdressed right?

well that's my theory anyhow.

i have begun to realise that i will find any excuse to dress up.

and i'm ok with it...

the paper cuts

the cheating lovers

the coffee's never strong enough

i know you think it's more than just bad luck.

http://www.scumness.blogspot.com/

check this mofuckah out.

great blog. great photos. this photo makes me feel like ice cream.

you are simply the best human being i know.
i cannot and do not compare you to anyone else.

Beautiful soul.

dear best friend.

happy birthday, my beautiful best friend.

love your best friend.

give me my robe, put on my crown; i have immortal longings in me.

i am fire and air; my other elements i give to baser life.

the stroke of death is a lover's pinch, which hurts and is desired.

part of my shakespeare monologue for uni. i am in love with it.

if i were a famous photographer/blogger, this babe would be my muse.

i am happy & content.

no really i am.
had an emo post a while back there, but you must understand that this blog is mainly here so that i can unload all of my shitty angsty stuff onto the internet instead of onto my wonderful friends.
plus this is how i am nowadays anyway, i'll cry one minute and then be peachy keen jelly bean for like another four days.


fuk da horm0nezZ.

there you go. i will probs delete it later because it doesn't make me happy.
then again maybe i won't.

hmmmmmm.

my heart is weighing me down. it's too full.

when people ask how you are i tell them that you're wandering. not lost, just wandering, looking for your place, answering questions & tyring to comprhend the world.

i miss you every day but i know that this is what you need to do.

this is what you have to do, your heart needs you to.

and i know that you still love me & you know how much i love you.

sometimes i just wish that that were enough, but i know that it isn't.

you'll always be a part of my soul.

what i want from you, is to empty your head

but they say be true, don't stay in your bed


and we do what we need to be free


and it leans on me like a rootless tree.

what i want from us is empty our minds

but we fake, we fuss and fracture the times

we go blind when we've needed to see

and this leans on me like a rootless tree.

waiting for the day that you realise i'm really quite insane & thus run very very far away.

i miss you. this is so lame.
i mean, i knew what i was getting myself into so i can hardly complain.

but still, i just want to see more of you even though i know you see me as much as you can.

i'm sorry for making you feel bad!

i'm sorry for smothering you & being obsessed with you!

i wish that i had enough motivation to throw myself into uni work to distract myself from the fact that i miss you.
but alas, i'm terrible at life & can't bring myself to do such a thing.

i wonder if one day i will actually suceed at something.

re-designed my blog instead of doing homework.