i love you roxy chick.

i think you're wonderful.

the girl is similar to the ocean.

she can be crazy, insane, untamed.

she can be calm, still, relaxed but still humming with energy.

she can be powerful, intimidating, strong.

she is beautiful. she is brilliant. she is talented.

like the ocean, she is a creature of endless passion.

endless creativity. endless wildness. endless love.

the waves of her amazingness crash upon the shores of her friends.

no one who meets her is left unaffected because she is unique.

she is herself.

like the ocean, there is a great depth to her. she knows who she is.

she knows what she wants and she will always figure out a way to get it.

i feel honestly lucky to know her.

i feel honestly lucky to call her my friend.

i feel honestly lucky to have witnessed her talent.

i love you swan.

best wardrobe, best girl.

someone to be proud of me.

i am currently failing at life.

this may not come as a suprise considering i whine about it every 2 seconds.
but it is really becoming an issue.
i leave assignments either to the last minute, or wait until they're overdue.
i justify this by saying 'everyone does it the night before!' or 'people have done worse' or 'one more day, another 5%, that can't hurt right?'
i have no idea what i want to do with my life.
fair enough, no-one really knows what they want in 5, 10, 20 years time.
but i don't know what i want by the end of the month.
i feel like i'm constantly on holidays, cruising along, no real responsibility, no real goals, no real commitments. hello, you're a student. study.
i either can't or won't save money. instead i spend it on food or cheap dresses.
i don't give a shit about my work. i take my employment for granted.
i am surrounded by motivated people. people who study on saturday nights & people who turn down social activities to finish an assignment. people who spend hours everyday perfecting their art & people who wake up at 5am everyday to train.
i am honestly afraid that eventually i will become so lazy & hopeless & unmotivated that my friends & boys & strangers won't even want to know me.

i think the real problem is that there is honestly no-one to blame but myself.
this mood, this stress, this post is all just a product of my own procrastination.

then again, i am 18. perhaps i'm supposed to fail history so that i don't do anything like that again. perhaps i'm supposed to make mistakes. but i don't like feeling like i've dissapointed people. fuck i am so easily influenced.

i just need it to be summer so that i can sit on a hotel balcony in st kilda with some of my favorite people & convince myself that, whilst i'm not there yet, i will be one day, & while i wait there is the sun & kisses & the beach & vodka & ice cream & friends.


ps xx

dear dear me.
I'm sick.

Bit of an issue...

10 different things you want to say to 10 different people right now...

1 - I just wish you would stop pretending. I love you just the way you are. I don't know if you're trying to figure yourself out or something, but you're already brilliant.
2 - I am terrified that you'll leave & forget all about me & live this amazing life that I'm not a part of. I love you.
3 - I'm sick of saying sorry. Can you please make a bit of effort? Or do you actually hate me?
4 - I am amazed that you never get sick of me. You are the one person that I am 100% myself around, 100% of the time. I will love you till the day I die.
5 - I will always think that you are one of the most truly beautiful people in this world. Your soul, your mind, your face, your mannerisms & your heart.
6 - Why do you like her?
7 - You were embarassing and I want to tell you so. Why do it to yourself? You know what you're like. I can't take care of you all the time. No one should have to.
8 - I think I just like the idea of being with you, of being with someone who adores me, but I love you far too much to use you like that.
9 - I wonder if we'll be friends for a long time.
10 - I want to be the one person in your life that you listen to. I want to be the one person that can bring you back from the brink of destruction no matter what. I want to be above the rest in your eyes. I don't know if I already am or if I never will be.

golly gosh you're stunning!

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." - Confucius

spot the difference.

this is what i wrote.

hello.

i sat down to write this and suddenly i have no idea what to say.

how odd.

i suppose that i want to write something significant, something that will eventually be posted on blogs and quoted in books and used in ad campaigns. something that will be studied in English classes and used in inspiring speeches. I want to write. wow, woah, hold up. did I seriously just say that? did i seriously just decide my future? i want to write. I want to write.

i thnk it's just the mood i'm in. just the way i'm feeling right now. sometimes i wish that everyone acted on feelings like that. if everyone acting on impulse, on the way they feel for a fleeting moment, how different would everything be? What would happen if we didn't know there was a future, if we only acted for today?

but everyone's says that don't they? everyone thinks that it's how we humans should be, living in the moment, not looking too far ahead. if that's the case, and that's how we're meant to be living, then why the fuck am i legitimatly terrified of my future? Fucking hell. Sometimes I just lie awake at night thinking about it. it sometimes catches me off guard. I could be out, partying, drunk, dancing and i'll think about it and be so consumed by it that all i want to do is lie in bed and cry and pretend like nothing else exists.

oh wow, emo much?

it's 9:11 & I'm completly lost.

I've already written about what i want.

I'm also gonna write about what I need.

I'm also gonna write about what I have.

I needed to write this down.

I have no idea why I wrote this down.

It is insignificant.

fuck dat shit, say fuck dat shit.

i make a wish every day.

this is just the best show ever.

I have never smoked.

i love you, i'm sorry for being shit.

Get ya weekend on...

right now, i feel like you don't care.
right now, i feel lonely.
right now, i wish you'd call me.
right now, i want to sleep.
right now, i miss you.
right now, i want it to be 7pm so i could call you.
right now, i want to feel loved.

sometimes i'm literally terrified of you.

sometimes i really want to run away.

i still feel sad when i look at your facebook profile.
and i'm not quite sure why.


i think it's cause now we can't even be friends.
perhaps if you weren't such a dick...
perhaps if i wasn't such a retard...

here is my question: was the momentary euphoria worth it?

I want more rings.

I want my hands to be covered in rings.